Love and Duty
by Sithstrukk
Summary: Tahl survives New Apsolon, but she is very weak. She will never be fit for missions. She and Qui-Gon must choose between their love or the Jedi Order, and their decisions shall impact many. Romance, multigenre.
1. Chapter 1

**In this first author's note I have a lot of stuff to say… if you don't mind reading it.  
This is… what, my fourth version of this "what if Tahl survived New Apsolon" thing? The other versions had plot holes and lots of problems. This one… is working out well. You don't really need to have read The Death of Hope to understand this as long as you know what happened there.  
****NOTE:**** This is different from the original prologue you read. This will only impact the first few chapters, and everything else will go as anticipated. Trust me, you won't **

_Acknowledgments:  
__Special thanks to Angel Wings-008 for beta-ing. You're the best!  
Much thanks to The Tenth Bright Shiner for her friendship, patience, and support  
Special thanks to my family for always being supportive ("you've been on the computer too long!")_

_ooooo_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Jedi Apprentice or Star Wars._

_ooooo_

They sat facing a plain wall, on plain meditation chairs, although he couldn't say the same for the state of their minds. Bant was the same reddish brown she had always been, short, and lightweight. Obi-Wan was taller, older, and had contemplative blue eyes. Bant wore a serious, furiously thinking expression. Obi-Wan's face was fairly clam, but a prodding concern turned his bright eyes dark. Neither of them had spoken for an hour. Meditation was not a time to talk. But they had had their time to think, and now both were prepared to speak.

"Are you happy your master is healing well?" Obi-Wan asked in a self possessed tone, one that deep meditation often left him in.

"Yes," Bant answered solicitously.

"But what?" Obi-Wan asked. Bant's unspoken worries hung in the air just out of reach. If he could persuade her to trust him, the great burden it left on her would be lifted off. He was a friend; he was the perfect person to help her. They had both felt the effects on a deplorable mission, one that left Tahl in an extremely weak condition. Friends could help push worries away. She just didn't seem to want to do that.

"It's different," Bant said, her voice brimming with sorrow.

Obi-Wan thought of Tahl; pale and frail and too depleted to open her eyes. "She's getting better. What's so different?"

"She's in love." Bant poured out the words. The statement brought a clutch of anxiousness to Obi-Wan, who struggled to push it aside. Bant was incredibly perceptive and knew her master well.

He swallowed a lump in his throat. He asked the obvious question, the one he was sure he knew the answer to. "With who?"

"She loves him a lot. Qui-Gon."

_Master_. He loves her, too. He almost went mad, saving her. _He almost left me._ "I know."

"I don't know what they're going to do." Bant put her head in her hands. "Tahl is so weak. She'll never be the Jedi she once was." Bant's voice rose a pitch in dismay. "Suppose they…" she trailed off. She looked up and blinked. Obi-Wan saw pain in her huge eyes. She ducked her head, her shoulders trembling. Obi-Wan reached over to put a hand on her shoulder. He sat there in silence, staring at the plain wall, trying to summon some comfort for Bant and himself. He couldn't convoke the smallest shred of help; he was too empty inside.

Long moments went by. Bant ceased shaking. She wouldn't cry; she didn't cry. Bant Eerin acknowledged her feelings, let them go, and continued. "She's left me at the Temple before. She'll do it again."

"She won't leave without Qui-Gon," said Obi-Wan confidently. "And he won't leave the Jedi… or me."

"The Council's mad at him."

"The Council's always mad at him."

"They'll be expelled."

_Don't be ridiculous, _he wanted to say, but he didn't say it. Nor did he say that he wasn't as sure that Qui-Gon would stay in the Order as he sounded. There were continuous minor spats, continuous testing of the rules and law and tradition… Qui-Gon fought for what he felt was right and was losing. He was losing faith in the Jedi and Republic, but he still had hope. Obi-Wan saw everything briefly in his face after every Jedi Council meeting. In addition, Qui-Gon believed Tahl's injury was his fault. And he loved her. His commitment was deeper than ever. Was it possible that was now his biggest commitment?

"They'll choose to do what they think is right," he told her. "And whatever happens, I'll be there to make sure you're never alone at the Temple."

That was his promise. He intended to keep it. But would Qui-Gon keep his promises? The promise he had made to train Obi-Wan? His vow to the Order?

"This _is _getting ridiculous," he grumbled under his breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ahem. If you haven't already, please go back and read the prologue. Yes, it has changed. Yes, this chapter has changed what you thought would happen. Nobody panic please.**

They could never fix a broken body. They could repair every part of it, they could heal as much as they could, but it would never be back to normal. Tahl remained in that weak, helpless state. She was irreparable. She was blind, bound by her exhaustion, and infuriated by her impairments.

Tahl imagined dully glowing lights. They didn't pulse. They didn't flash. They weren't blinding. They were dim. She pictured beige walls and a being ceiling and shiny beige floors. They gave everything in the room one of the qualities few medcenter rooms possessed: an aura of tranquility. It all fit in with the voice around her; the suggestions and doctors and the analysis of nurses. They all spoke in matter-of-factly, yet mild tones. These doctors and nurses were Jedi Healers, after all. They called on the light side of the Force to assist in healing the patient. It was hard to despair as the Force was summoned by half a dozen Jedi to give you strength.

Eventually, the long healings and operations ended. Tahl did not feel much better; she feared they had given up on fully regenerating her. After all, she had come to them in bad shape. She had barely been alive; barely functioning. She knew she should be grateful that she was even breathing. Yet her heart was aching. She would never have her old life back.

_ooooo_

"There's therapy," Qui-Gon said helpfully. He was sitting by her bedside with one of her hands in his two. "Tahl, your walking has gotten so much better. So has your upper body strength. You cannot stop now."

Tahl curved her lips down into a small frown. She had heard it all before. She was improving. Wasn't that what they said as she coped with her blindness? She kept getting better and better at navigating and sensing things. Then what happened? She had conquered everything she could. She couldn't go farther. The same happened here. Her body had a limit that she was quickly approaching."Everyone has their limits."

"You have no limits," Qui-Gon remarked with a smile in his voice. "I know you won't give up." Tahl cast her eyes down so he couldn't see them. She was propped up on pillows and couldn't turn around to hide her expression from him.

"I spoke with Master Windu yesterday."

"And?"

"He spoke about... desk jobs." As soon as she got the words out she felt a pang of anguish. "A permanent desk job at the Temple."

"No missions? Surely they'll need you for some," Qui-Gon optimistically offered.

Tahl's frown deepened. "You were overprotective of me before. Do you think anyone will allow me to go anywhere after this?" Her voice rose a pitch. She hadn't intended to let it.

The words slowly sank in for Qui-Gon. He knew she was correct before she had even said anything. He had spoken with the Council enough to know that Tahl would never be considered mission fit. She would be forced into retirement early. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"I'm sorry too." Tahl took a deep breath. "This isn't how I wanted things. It's selfish sounding, but it's true."

"It's not how I wanted things, either." Qui-Gon squeezed her hand. "Because you're far from happy."

"Then you're not happy, either," Tahl figured.

"Of course not." Qui-Gon paused. "But if my unhappiness is making you unhappy-"

"-It's fine," Tahl cut him off, flexing her fingers under his loose grip. "And there is no more life of service for me. It makes me want to leave the Order…" she cut herself off, barely believing what she had said. But it sank in, and relief flooded her. She had gotten it out; just what she wanted to say.

Qui-Gon didn't reply for the longest time. Tahl held her breath, hanging on each second of silence, waiting for him to speak. Her heart dully thumped and her dense focus broke. _Breathe. _She tried to inhale; a small success.

"You're leaving the Order?" He finally asked.

"I hope to," she mumbled. "Perhaps. If…" she trailed off again; feeling awkward and selfish.

"I love you," Qui-Gon said simply, and Tahl realized that was the first time she had ever heard him say it. It was always obscure and cloaked in fancy words with him, and he had never said the simple phrase. "And I would leave with you. I would do anything for you."

Tahl inhaled more easily this time. She swore she could feel the blood dancing through her veins. Loving and knowing she was loved was worth just about anything.

Qui-Gon said quietly, "I can't leave Obi-Wan." Of course he couldn't. He'd known the boy so long, so well. Their bond ran deep.

"I'm an awful master. I learned that on New Apsolon. I learned that every time I left her at the Temple and after every question I ignored. I learned that when I withdrew from here. I didn't even try, and now I can't train Bant anymore," said Tahl numbly.

"I would leave! I can't imagine my life any other way; I would have to spend it with you," Qui-Gon spilled. "But it would break my heart to leave him."

"Then do not leave him. I'll stay.

Qui-Gon was quiet again. Emotions poured off him in waves; an internal battle of wishes and wills. "I can't decide this alone. Help me," he said earnestly.

"I can't help you," she said slowly. "But there is someone who can."

_ooooo_

Yoda had warmly welcomed them into their room. But as Qui-Gon explained everything-some of which, Tahl noted with discomfort, Yoda already knew- the atmosphere grew more grim.

"Tahl… discouraged, you are, by your new challenges. Dissatisfied, and propelled by your feelings. Qui-Gon, your faith continues to falter in the Jedi Order. Dissatisfied, and propelled by your feelings. Unwilling to leave your Padawan, you are," was the Grand Jedi Master's first lecture.

Tahl nodded respectfully.

"Disappointed I am. Shocked I am that such Knights would leave the Order, and so lightly," Yoda continued.

"Not lightly," said Tahl. She wished she could see Qui-Gon to read his face. His quietness unsettled her.

"Humph," Yoda grunted. "But grateful I am that you came."

"Do you have any guidance for us, master?" Qui-Gon asked.

Yoda grunted again. Tahl gave her full attention to listen to him. "Happy at first, you would be. But these uncertainties, you have… they would be your path to destruction. Love would change. Pain is all you would feel. A Jedi has pledged them self to serve the Force, not to serve another. Separate you, this would."

"Thank you," Tahl said, though she wasn't quite sure why. She reached out to Qui-Gon, wondering if he had made his decision. She had her own decision to make.

Leave, be torn apart. Yoda knew it, now she knew it, and it was bound to happen. Stay, and she and Qui-Gon would have to put their feelings aside. She would be withering away at a desk job, filing data she would never have any use for. Serving the Republic by stuffing data in deep storage; hoping that something would be useful. Qui-Gon would be so many places; any place but at home, with her. Would she even want him there, at that point? After all the feelings they had tried here, she could not easily slide back into friendship.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to stay," Tahl finally said. "But I don't want to go."

Qui-Gon didn't say anything; he didn't have to. Yoda was content with closing the session. Qui-Gon calmly bid him goodbye. Tahl did the same, and Qui-Gon helped her off the meditation chair. They left the chamber.

Yoda sighed. He knew of their choice. They would be staying… but for how long, he did not know. Everything was clouded, but he was certain that Qui-Gon and Tahl's emotions would not diminish. The responsibility rested on them. He had done all he could.

Out in the hallway Qui-Gon whirled on Tahl, pulling her in a tight embrace. It was almost like he was apologizing, Tahl thought, as she embraced him back.

"Yoda's right," he finally said. He said no more. If he said anything else, Tahl thought, would he crack?

"Yoda's right," Tahl echoed.

"We will stay here."

"We will _like _it." Tahl said stubbornly. "We will _love _it. It's the same life we've always loved."

Qui-Gon said grimly, "We have our lives here. In another life, in another time, things could have been different."

Tahl scowled as sadness sank in. She buried her nose in his robes, inhaling the scent and memorizing the feel of him in her arms. The Code could give them one final moment, couldn't it? "I wish it was different." She quickly shut her eyes as she felt the beginnings of tears.

"I know." Qui-Gon pulled away from her, trying to look at her.

Tahl pulled away gruffly, completely embarrassed and frustrated and far from happy. If this was the right thing, why wasn't she happy? She had just told herself she would love it.

She shouldn't have gotten herself into it in the first place. What was she thinking; thinking she would love?

"It ends now," she announced. "Don't ever talk about it again. Yoda will keep it confidential. And I don't want a single look or word from you about this," she snapped. She turned to go, hearing Qui-Gon step forward to stop her. She kept walking. As she reached the turbolift, she turned around, her thoughts churning. "I can't help but think we'll end up together anyway. For both our sakes, prove me wrong."

_ooooo_

**How are Qui-Gon and Tahl going to manage being separated? Will they be able to keep their emotions under control… and what about all those doubts? Will guilt drive Qui-Gon mad? (I love typing suspense. Most A/N's aren't this long; I couldn't resist.) Reviews are love, and thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to my friend Fishy Biscuits for offering her help with this chapter!  
A note: Apparently fanfiction is being stupid again because when I went to reply to a review, it showed up on the review page. This isn't the first time it's happen... plus it's happened to other people, so I know it's not my fault. It's just really annoying to. Plus, now I accidentally gave myself a review! D;**

Obi-Wan knew from the start something was wrong. They didn't look at each other for too long, they didn't talk and laugh like usual. The man in front of him wasn't Qui-Gon Jinn. It looked like him, ate like him, walked like him. It just wasn't him. This Qui-Gon wasn't talking to Tahl, even though she was right beside him. He was wary, forcibly smiling, as he asked Obi-Wan to spar with him that afternoon. Obi-Wan eagerly accepted.

Beside him, Bant's head drooped. Qui-Gon glanced over sympathetically as Qui-Gon studied her. "If Bant's not busy-"

"-I thought we'd do some studying today right after my physical therapy," said Tahl brusquely, folding her hands over her empty tray of food. "We'll be fine on our own."

"As you wish," was Qui-Gon's retort.

Obi-Wan and Bant exchanged a look. Obi-Wan had a feeling this was more than one of their arguments.

In one motion Qui-Gon swept his tray away and rose from his seat. Obi-Wan rushed to follow as he moved out of the room without saying goodbye to anyone. Out in the hallway, Qui-Gon rounded on Obi-Wan. "You will show Tahl more respect next time you leave the table, Padawan," he said sternly.

Obi-Wan blinked, slightly puzzled. "Yes, master."

It _had _been rude of him to leave without saying goodbye. He was just trying to keep up with Qui-Gon. He was overstepping his boundaries, but he assumed the way the man had treated Tahl meant something was out of the ordinary. As they walked, Obi-Wan thought. There was obviously a new rift between them; a new tension. He had no clue what that meant. Perhaps Tahl was annoyed at his overprotection. Perhaps it was something the Council had said. Would he ever know?

"First things first. Close your eyes," Qui-Gon instructed.

Obi-Wan obediently did so, stifling a groan. He had learned this exercise when he was a toddler. He would have to tell his master the precise location of everything in front of him from memory. "Scorch mark from a training droid three feet up-"

"-Four feet," Qui-Gon corrected sharply. "Open your eyes."

Obi-Wan obeyed. Blood was rushing to his face. Qui-Gon's piercing blue eyes were disappointed. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Enough excuses," Qui-Gon cut him off. "We'll go straight to drills."

Obi-Wan slowly followed his master into the center of the room. Was it right for him to dread what was coming? He activated his lightsaber.

"Begin," Qui-Gon barked.

_ooooo_

Sweat stung Obi-Wan's eyes. He wiped it away with the drenched corner of his tunic. Then he stood a little straighter as Qui-Gon emerged from the shadows. "Good," he said, the only praise he had offered so far. "Go change and meet me back here."

Obi-Wan breathlessly nodded and trotted toward the showers. His fuzzy mind began to clear as a steady stream of water cooled him. Qui-Gon had rarely worked him so hard. Obi-Wan himself was to blame; his focus kept slipping. He was too worried about his master and Tahl to think about anything else. Too worried, too confused, and too helpless.

He soon reemerged from the showers with damp hair and a fresh tunic. Qui-Gon had his arms crossed and was waiting for him. "Something's troubling you. What?"

Obi-Wan swallowed a lump in his throat. He could trust his master with anything. But could he bring himself to voice his suspicions? It wasn't his place to. Qui-Gon tried to hide those feelings from Obi-Wan. He would never admit them. Would he deny them? "I'm worried about Tahl." That was the truth. Partially, anyway.

Qui-Gon didn't look completely satisfied. "I know. I am, too. She'll be fine."

"What will she do when she's released from the medcenter?" Obi-Wan asked.

Qui-Gon fixed him with a look that clearly said 'enough.' That one look. He had crossed the line, the delicate one between concern for Tahl and Tahl's private business. "She will do her Jedi duty," he said softly.

It was vague but true, Obi-Wan decided. He gave his master a grateful grin, not knowing what else to do. Should he apologize? Fall silent? Qui-Gon was strangely moody.

Qui-Gon sighed, turned around, and beckoned for Obi-Wan to follow. Obi-Wan had to walk fast to keep up. _Always in my master's shadow. _It became apparent they were visiting the medcenter, which meant they were most likely checking on Tahl. Bant would be with her during physical therapy.

Qui-Gon entered Tahl's room without permission. It was empty. He gruffly shut the door, went down the hallway, and took a left turn. Soon they were standing in the doorway of a room with a frustrated Tahl, a patient healer, and a pleasantly surprised Bant.

"…Are these friends of yours, Tahl?" The Healer asked.

"Friendly enough," Tahl said with steel in her voice. "Jedi Healer Carter Lyn, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn."

"How are things going?" Qui-Gon asked immediately.

"Fine," Tahl said dryly, moving her arms as Lyn instructed.

At that moment Lyn's comlink signaled. She studied it, biting her lip. "Oh, my. I have to go. I'll be back in a moment. Keep working!" With a smile she sauntered out of the room, a bored Tahl scowling in her wake.

"She said to keep working!" Qui-Gon exclaimed as Tahl dropped her arms.

Tahl shrugged. "Look, I can move as well as anyone else."

"Can you run?"

Tahl fell silent. From the corner of the room Bant shook her head.

"No?" Qui-Gon smirked teasingly.

"No, I _can," _Tahl rolled her eyes. To prove herself she suddenly sprinted forward, performing a lap around the room. Qui-Gon watched, then decided to follow her at a fast walking pace.

"Good, good, almost slipped there- why the rush?" he asked as Tahl sped ahead of him. Bant and Obi-Wan grinned at each other. It was almost like before Tahl had left for New Apsolon. Qui-Gon and Tahl were teasing instead of fighting.

Qui-Gon had caught up with her. "Don't strain yourself," he added as Tahl slowed a fraction. Tahl stopped altogether, breathing hard. Qui-Gon slowed more gradually. Casually thrusting out her leg she stopped him- and caught him off guard. His hands flew in the air as he tripped and fell backward. He came crashing down on Tahl's ankle as she retracted her foot. With a yell she fell, too.

Bant and Obi-Wan were at their sides in an instant, hovering.

"Get off my leg!" Tahl gasped. Qui-Gon leapt to his feet, rubbing his back, terrified he had hurt her.

"I didn't hear anything break," Bant said hurriedly.

"Nothing's broken," Tahl grunted as Obi-Wan hauled her to a standing position. "Thanks Kenobi. You," she turned to Qui-Gon, her face flushed with anger.

Qui-Gon was glowered back. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Obi-Wan and Bant stood side by side. They began slowly inching away.

"Are you sure you're alright, Tahl?" He finally rasped. "I'm so sorry. Can I do anything?"

"I don't need your help," Tahl winced through gritted teeth. "I don't need _you _interfering."

"You're the one who tripped me," Qui-Gon said nonchalantly.

"I've had enough of you for one day!" Tahl shouted. Beside Obi-Wan Bant rocked slightly. Obi-Wan had never seen Tahl so mad. "Stay out of my sight from now on," she added, trying to limp away from him with as much dignity as she could muster. Qui-Gon took one last look at her and stormed out of the room. Obi-Wan was on his heels, leaving his quaking friend behind. On their way out they passed Carter.

"My, Tahl! What happened?" They could hear her cry down the hallway.

Qui-Gon left Obi-Wan at his quarters. Obi-Wan barely had a chance to sit down when Bant came by. Her large eyes were widened with concern. "Tahl's fine. She just needs some time alone," was the first thing she said.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes briefly, grateful. "But what happened?" he burst out. "Were we wrong?"

"Maybe," Bant said in a small voice. "No, I don't think so. I think something's just changed."

"Yeah. Like they decided to act like Jedi and follow the Code, so all this tension is over their decision, because it's hard-"

"-every time they see each other, they're reminded," Bant finished for him. "That explains why Tahl doesn't want to see him!"

Obi-Wan smiled, impressed. "That might be it. Qui-Gon was hard on me during training today. But… I had poor focus. I was worried."

"I wouldn't worry about worrying. You're always a Worry-Wan," Bant laughed, ducking as Obi-Wan threw a pillow at her head.

"Bad joke," he grinned.

There was a knock at his door. Qui-Gon was there, completely composed. "We have a mission. Now. Come," he said.

Bant assured him, "Tahl's here. I'll be fine," as he reached for his survival pack.

"I think we're leaving _because _Tahl's here," he whispered as loudly as he dared.


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, I wish I could have updated faster. But real life gets in the way… school, you just make things worse. And since it was freshman hell week it was even worse than normal. Oh, well. I'll be an upperclassman someday.**

Setting foot in the Jedi Temple was usually like a breath of fresh air. In this case, it was like setting foot on an alien planet. It wasn't home; it didn't offer him that tranquility. It fueled his restlessness and uncertainty. Missions gave him little time to dwell on anything-especially Tahl. _Tahl. _Now that she was back, would he have to talk to her? She said she didn't want to see him. A side of him didn't want to see her.

He watched as Obi-Wan suppressed a yawn. He had had a long day. "Get some rest," Qui-Gon urged. "I'll see you tomorrow." Obi-Wan bobbed his head numbly and shuffled away. Qui-Gon readjusted the straps of his survival pack. He should get some sleep, too.

It was only early evening, he noted. Too early to really go to sleep. He was debating on how to spend the time when a familiar form appeared before him. Yoda.

"Glad I am to see you," said Yoda.

"You need to speak with me?"

Yoda grunted, "No. To see how you were, I wished."

"I'm fine," said Qui-Gon flatly.

Yoda blinked at him slowly. "Well earned rest you deserve. But restless you are."

"My mind... has been occupied lately," Qui-Gon said carefully.

Yoda lifted his chin slightly. "Hm" was all he said. Qui-Gon flashed Yoda a pleading look. Couldn't he understand that he wasn't ready to talk? "Speak with you later I will," the master finally concluded.

Qui-Gon briefly nodded and strode away. Once in his quarters he lay down and let his mind go blank.

His thoughts wouldn't clear. Sleep refused to come.

He stood. He was itching to get out of the Temple. He knew just the place to go.

Didi's Diner wasn't far from the Temple. Qui-Gon arrived just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. Upon entering the diner one thought it was a filthy, grungy place-not a good first impression. Those who were curious enough to look around stuck around. Your nose told the food was fresh and your ears told you the patrons were a good crowd... for the most part. Eyes played tricks in the spotty lighting.

To his surprise, Tahl was there. He knew it the instant he walked in. And she knew he was there, too, though perhaps she realized it a little quicker.

He came here to avoid her. He was already there, though, so he might as well. He weaved through the crowd of tables and patrons to the empty seat beside her. The bartender, Didi, was nowhere in sight. Tahl remained interested in her drink, coolly minding her own business.

Qui-Gon had to disrupt the quiet. "Is that alcohol?" he frowned. "Maybe you shouldn't..."

"I was discharged from the medcenter weeks ago. While you ran off on that mission. I'm free," said Tahl stiffly.

Qui-Gon didn't press her. He didn't intend to start a fight. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Why are you here, anyway?" Tahl blurted.

"To get away. To relax. You?"

Tahl reluctantly answered, "To get away. To get away from you."

Qui-Gon grinned. "I'm sorry for falling on you."

"I know."

"And I don't blame you for tripping me."

"I know."

"It feels like so long ago, doesn't it?" Tahl nodded. "I did miss you."

"Is anything wrong?"

Tahl sighed. "There's a drukload of problems, Qui. Like our fight. Wasn't the best of days." She grimly gulped down her drink. "Had a lengthy conversation with Madame Nu. Charming woman. Glad to be working under her."

Qui-Gon smirked at her sarcasm. "Charming. So I've heard. If they had any sense they'd make you head Archivist. You'd like that kind of authority, wouldn't you?"

The corners of Tahl's mouth turned upward. "That's not talking like a Jedi."

"Since when have I been the ideal Jedi?"

Tahl chuckled as Didi teetered out of the kitchen, his arms full of clean glasses. They watched him slam them down on the countertop, mutter something to himself, and began to put them on a shelf. He abruptly paused as he spotted the newcomer over the rim of the glass. He let out a roar. "Qui-Gon Jinn, you finally got around to visiting!" With surprising agility he leapt over the bar. Qui-Gon stood and received a tight hug followed by a thump on the back.

"Didi," said Qui-Gon, slightly subdued. "How nice to see you."

"No. It's nice to see _you_!" Didi said enthusiastically. Loudly he added, "Not that I need you or anything, my strong Jedi friend." His eyes drifted down the bar to gauge the reaction of his patrons. A few of them stirred to look their way but most regarded him with silence.

Tahl cleared her throat.

"Thanks," Qui-Gon said quickly. "Can I get a cup of juma juice?"

"Comin' up." Didi pulled out a glass, still hot from the dishwasher. "Anything new?"

Qui-Gon drily replied, "You've probably heard it all from Tahl."

Tahl scoffed

Didi shrugged, handing him the juice. "I guess. Every time she comes by we have a chat."

The way Didi said it, Qui-Gon didn't think it was small talk. And did he mean to imply that she stopped by often? Qui-Gon turned to Tahl for answers, but she was staring at her fingers as she thrummed them restlessly.

"So you've come here often? I didn't know you knew Didi," Qui-Gon said to Tahl.

Tahl shrugged. "You've taken me here before. And I know Didi pretty well now. Astri, too," she said lightly.

Didi cheerfully added, "And one more stamp on your rewards card, Tahl, and you get a free slider!"

"Rewards card?" Qui-Gon frowned. "The ones you give to frequent customers?"

"The very same. The policy hasn't changed since your last visit a year ago," said Didi pointedly.

Qui-Gon pursed his lips as Didi clamored away to help another customer. "Frequent customer card, Tahl?"

"Yes, I have one. So?" Tahl asked defensively.

"Just how much are you coming here? Is all the food… really that good?" He asked teasingly, testily.

Tahl scowled. "Maybe it's the best food in the galaxy." She stood, grumbling, "I need to use the refresher."

"She's something," Didi suddenly appeared at Qui-Gon's side when she was out of earshot.

"She's different."

Didi gazed down at the rag in his hands as he rubbed it over the countertop. "I guess. I didn't know her well when she first started hanging around here. I always assumed she's come to you if she had problem. She won't."

"What has she told you?"

"Me? Not much. She stopped by for the drinks and company first." He dropped his voice and leaned closer. "When my… associates see a Jedi here, talking to me, they don't mess around." He straightened up, raising his voice again. "We love her here!"

Qui-Gon looked at him sourly. "What kind of associates are you talking about?"

Didi brightened. "Ah, well, you see, friend, just a little something to give me better business- really harmless, you know, you understand?"

"Hm."

"I struck a deal with some of the warehouse owners around here. Get my ingredients quicker, better."

"And where do these people come from?"

Didi gave a short chuckle. "A few levels down. Surprisingly nice folk, actually, ah, provided you stay on their good side. But you can never be too safe, can't you understand?"

"So you're using Tahl," Qui-Gon said drily.

Didi held up his hands innocently. "Not on purpose! Not like that! And she knows it, and she doesn't mind… besides, she always talks with Astri. I don't know what they talk about, but they both seem to enjoy it."

"It's me."

Didi shrugged. "Eh. Or she could just be furious that she's now a little old Jedi sitting on her rear alphabetizing-"

"-So you did know."

"_Didi!_" Tahl appeared, irritated.

"I didn't tell him much, Tahl. Not anything about… the warehouse guys or anything," Didi said quickly, nervously, wiping his forehead. "Maybe you should be more careful what you say when you're drunk, though. Wait, that doesn't work, because-"

Qui-Gon grimaced. Didi had good intentions… usually. On occasion he could be a blubbering fool.

"I'm leaving," Qui-Gon suddenly announced. "Tahl?"

"Fine," she huffed, partially relieved. As she stood she rocked unsteadily. Qui-Gon instinctively held out a hand, and was partially surprised to feel her warm palm press against his.

They walked this way through the night back to the Jedi Temple. Too soon Tahl was about to release her grip and retreat into her quarters.

"Wait. Can I come in?"

In the dim lights of the hallway he couldn't gauge her reaction well. But she slowly nodded.

He hadn't been in her quarters in a long time. After New Apsolon she had spent so much time in the medcenter or avoiding him. The scene was drastically different from the one he was used to- exposed starch white walls that were usually unhidden by clutter were now almost invisible, piled high with datapads and datasheets and other items.

"I know where everything is, don't worry. TooJay straightens up," Tahl said. "Now can I ask why you're here?"

"I want to talk."

She half smiled. "Ah. Pull up a box."

Qui-Gon dragged an empty crate that stored holobooks up to the chair at her desk. She took the chair, which positioned her a little above him. "All right, talk."

"Did I hurt you?"

"What do you think?"

"Be honest," he said earnestly. "And answer my question."

She crossed her arms. "I've got nothing to say. If anything, maybe I should be the one asking if I've hurt _you_. Because, judging by whatever Didi told you, you may believe I am blaming you for the situation I'm in. That I'm trying to pressure you into leaving and such. I have no right to do that, you know?"

Her tone was not apologetic. But it was Tahl's way of telling him and he understood it perfectly well.

"If you think that I think you're trying to pressure me into feeling that way," he said carefully, his tongue working around the words like he didn't comprehend them, "you're wrong. Remember who admitted their feelings first?"

Tahl smirked. "You."

"And then I just left you hanging like that."

"After we promised- _we _promised- you could say we both messed that up," she grumbled.

"It it too late to make a life together?" Qui-Gon quietly proposed.

Silence for a moment. "No. Of course not."

"We could keep it a secret."

"We could even marry. No one would need to find out, you know." Qui-Gon swore he heard excitement in Tahl's voice, but it quickly faded as she asked, "And the Code?"

"No one would need to find out," he echoed.

"Maverick. I can't believe I'm doing this." Tahl shifted her eyes to her hands to hide her face.

Qui-Gon didn't hide his smile, and Tahl couldn't see it. "It's easy. Just go with your instincts."

Tahl chuckled. "Fine, then. From now on, I'll do that."

They slid into an easy conversation, the kind they had not had in months. When Qui-Gon finally glanced at the chrono it was already early morning.

"I suppose I'll have to go," he concluded.

"I'll see you soon," Tahl nodded. She abruptly leaned forward and managed to give him a peck on the cheek. She nearly missed. Qui-Gon guided her hand to his face, and again she leaned in, this time to lock lips.

"Tomorrow," he promised before she pulled away. 'I'll send a message."

He felt her smile against his neck. "I always liked quick weddings."

_ooooo_

**Wow. It feels like ages since I've written a kiss scene.  
I hope it wasn't terrible. I hope you liked this chapter. Well, if you did, what did you like about it? What wasn't so great? I love feedback. Constructive criticism is gold.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Special thanks to RoMythe for betaing and thanks to my parakeet for keeping me company while I wrote this.**

She remembered how Coruscant was at night; it glowed with the energy of the Force.**  
**  
But even with the hood of her cloak drawn over her head, Tahl felt exposed and vulnerable. She had been waiting a long time. Had it been too long?

The Force was humming now. She took cautious steps forward. Beings rushed past her, enjoying the night life, but she effortlessly weaved through the crowd. The Force's hum grew stronger. She veered to the right, her hand finding a wall. Then, she met another hand halfway. He took her hand, and she smiled under her cowl.

Tahl allowed herself to lose focus on her surroundings, and she let him take the lead to wherever they were going to. All she needed was his hand to guide her.  
It was another few minutes before they suddenly stopped.

Tahl opened her mouth to speak but was cut off with a kiss. "I missed you."

"They said you were coming back many times before. Weeks ago."

He seemed guilty. "I'm sorry those weeks turned into months. I never meant to be away so long."

Tahl pulled away. "Two months isn't too long."

"Still too long," pressed Qui-Gon. He brushed his hand against her cheek.

"It's the way it is," she sighed, resigned.

"Next time I won't be gone so long. I'll find a way to come back sooner."

"Try to," Tahl urged. Her voice grew softer. "Actually I-"

"-Don't want to think about it right now," he finished for her.

She nodded. "Because there's something else."

"What?"

"We married nearly three months ago."

"Yes." There was a smile in Qui-Gon's voice as he kissed her cheek.

"It-maybe it's nothing- but I haven't… stars," she grunted, frustrated.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's is… wrong. I'm worried, Jinn."

"Then why are you worried?" Qui-Gon took her hand and squeezed it, growing anxious himself.

"I have to check in at the medcenter next week for an appointment. Chances are they'll just ask me questions. They took me off the meds ages ago to see how I'd fare." Tahl said in a rush. She took a deep breath. "I haven't had my period the last two months."

Tahl lost circulation in the hand Qui-Gon held. She was surprised to feel panic shoot through him. "You can't be."

"I can."

"Kriff it," Qui-Gon cursed. "The meds, Tahl. You're sure they won't have any effect?"

"I've been off them a while now." She fought to keep her voice down. "You're shaking. Calm down."

Qui-Gon exhaled and inhaled deeply. "This is a blessing. How are we supposed to protect it?"

"I can hold off on another appointment for a while. And-I could get permission to leave the Temple for a few months. Tell them it is rest and regeneration. You could come. We could have this baby in secret."

"It will be a Jedi. Will we bring it to the Temple?" she could feel his blue eyes on hers.

"We could." Tahl's voice faltered guiltily. She had thought everything through thoroughly, without him.

"Tell me. I'm just finding this out. I can barely think."

She felt a pang of dismay. She had never seen him this anxious before. "I've got family. They'd take care of him and contact the Temple after a few months. They'd do it," she promised.

"Kriff," Qui-Gon repeated, his voice distant. When a perplexed and worried look crossed Tahl's face he laughed. "I'm sorry. It's so much."

"That kind of language was not necessary," she said only half seriously with a lopsided grin.

"Don't get me wrong. I am happy."

"And scared of what could happen. I am, too. You don't think I am?"

"This is the best thing that's happened to us. We knew this could happen. We knew the whole time. It's a sacrifice with two lives."

"It's a risk, you know." She knew Qui-Gon would be smiling at that. Of course he'd take the risk.

"I know. Can you contact your family soon?"

"Tomorrow."

"Good." Qui-Gon relaxed slightly. "Tahl, I'm- proud of you."

"I won't forget that," she smirked.

He pulled away. "We have to go now, before it gets too late. You go first. I'll follow later."

Departing was always bitter. Tahl hated dragging it out. Soon she had left him, and was walking back into the glow of Coruscant, navigating her way through levels and levels, never letting herself drift away. She didn't deny that at times she was unsure she would be able to find her way back to the Temple. Qui-Gon trusted she would be able to.

_ooooo_

She was gone after just a short while. Qui-Gon marveled at how strong she'd gotten. He paused to drink in all that had happened. Before he knew it, they'd have a newborn to bring into the world. Another secret, yes, but one he was thrilled to take on.

Ahead were the lights of Coco Town, and at the end of the walkway and to the right would be Didi's Diner. In a few minutes he was there.

Didi was preoccupied serving a surge of patrons in the late night rush. In the corner Qui-Gon saw his Padawan. Obi-Wan was right on time. Making his way across the room he saw two more familiar faces: Bant Eerin and Siri Tachi. He was glad to see Bant and a little surprised to see Siri-but his surprise was nothing compared to Obi-Wan's once he caught sight of his Master. After the formal greetings, he blurted out, "Is it all right that I brought them along?"

"They are very welcome." Qui-Gon smiled and ordered a round of juice for them. "Bant, how are you?"

"We just got back from a mission in the Tunn system. Siri's master with Siri and I, I mean." Suddenly she looked embarrassed. Qui-Gon knew Bant was occasionally accompanying another team on a mission-the Council felt her confinement in the Temple was above average and that her training could not be delayed because of her Master's condition. Tahl rarely talked about it. He wondered if she even talked to her Padawan anymore.

"And I met them as they came back," Obi-Wan supplied.

"So now we're here!" said Bant brightly.

Qui-Gon noticed the brief grin Bant and Siri exchanged. It did not pass by Obi-Wan, either. Bant had found a new friend.

"And Siri, how has your master been?" asked Qui-Gon.

"Master Adi is well," Siri replied politely. Her eyes drifted over to Obi-Wan; neither hostile nor friendly. Obi-Wan didn't meet her gaze.

Qui-Gon found himself stuck in some sort of game; comments and questions for Obi-Wan and Siri were reflected back without either of them having to talk to each other. It was tedious banter. Finally, as it got later, Bant spoke up. "Our masters will start wondering where we are. Master Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, it was good to see you."

Siri echoed her, Bant and Siri stood, and they disappeared.

Qui-Gon frowned, studying his apprentice. "You weren't friendly at all to Siri, Padawan. I'm not saying I want you to be friends with her..."

Obi-Wan met his gaze steadily. "I apologize."

"You fear her."

Obi-Wan's shoulders rose slightly. "Not like that… I'm scared to face her, she-she knew Bruck Chun."

"Ah." Qui-Gon voice softenedand he felt a pang of sympathy for the boy, who was still haunted by the accident that had killed young Chun. Qui-Gon mentored him through it as best he could, but in the end Obi-Wan would have to find peace by himself. Qui-Gon didn't expect Obi-Wan to be fast friends with Siri, yet he could not avoid her forever. He would have to face it in order to find peace. He longed to tell him that, in the end just saying "you must try to treat her as any other Padawan. If you ever have to work together as comrades it will be essential."

Obi-Wan bobbed his head, numbed by sleepiness and his cold drink.

Qui-Gon had put a damper on what could have been a better evening for them, he knew. Obi-Wan worried too much. _Do you worry enough? _Deciding not to trouble himself with the questions he had been asking since apprenticeship, he thought about Tahl. And the baby. About how risky and horrible it may sound-breaking the Code- but he had never been happier. Tahl had showed him that perhaps a life outside the Jedi ways was possible. He was comfortable with himself. He had to be, considering how much Obi-Wan and Tahl, and soon the child would depend on him. He wouldn't want it any other way.

His com signaled. It was Tahl. "Just making sure you got back fine."

"I'm actually out with Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied, his way of telling her someone else was listening. "I trust you're back safely."

"Never better. You two have fun, but don't get into trouble." Tahl cut the communication. Qui-Gon rejoined Obi-Wan in a conversation, and it was another hour before they returned to the Temple for sleep. When light drifted through Qui-Gon's window, he watched the sunrise with content for the first time in a long time.

_ooooo_

**I really only go on fanfiction to update this fic. If I'm unable to reply to your review, I hope you still know I appreciate all the feedback you give me.**_  
_


	6. Chapter 6

Tahl ran her hands over her round stomach, adjusting the drape of her robes. Better, now she was sure she simply looked like she was gaining weight. She smirked, coming to her own defense. At nearly six months, she wasn't _that _big.

Now if she could just avoid those cursed medics who wanted to check up on her before she left for her break. Luckily, she was going to go in with a plan. She would show up to her appointment grumpy, and get frustrated at all the confinement and questions-then storm out in her typical fashion. If the Council granted her permission to leave for six months and Qui-Gon would stay with her for the greater portion of the time, she didn't need any new medical analysis to ensure she was fit for rest and recovery.

She sensed Bant outside her door before the knock came. Her Padawan had grown so much stronger in the Force, her presence was considerably greater. Tahl could give herself little credit for her recent training, she knew. Bant grew by herself. Or at least was forced to face that Tahl wasn't a perfect master. She's always looked up to her like she was the greatest, an admiration that made her own expectations high her herself. She wasn't good at it; Qui-Gon was so much better-

"Am I interrupting something Master?" Bant asked gently, a tone that she tried to use as it not to overstress Tahl.

"No," Tahl replied, smoothing her robe again.

"I came by just to see you. I know you are leaving at the end of the week."

"Not too soon," she smiled reassuringly. "When I'm back, Bant, I plan to be as good as new."

"There's nothing wrong with you now."

"Yes," Tahl sat down, smiling grimly. "So tell me, Bant, how are your meditation exercises going?"

"Well-perhaps not as good as they could be," Bant admitted.

"We can solve that right now. Let's find a quite place."

Tahl stood up, then was forced to sit down again as a small cramp seized her. Bant cried out. "Master!" She felt something warm move down her leg.

She was losing the baby.

_ooooo_

"And… Qui-Gon?"

He heard his Padawan call out, but he was distant. He heard Tahl's cry for help first.

"You'll have to excuse me." He left Obi-Wan midsentence. He left the sparring room, flew down the steps, going where the Force told him. He found himself lost, just for a moment, as his com rang.

It was Bant. "Tahl wants-needs-you in the medcenter."

"Be right there."

So that's where he was going. He reprimanded himself. He couldn't let his concentration slip like that again.

The medcenter was peaceful. It wasn't the chaotic, surprise filled reception he had been dreading. The fact that it was so different-so quiet-was unnerving. The only two people in the waiting room were Bant and Mace Windu.

"What happened?" He demanded.

"We're not sure." Mace studied Qui-Gon, frowning.

Qui-Gon ignored him. "Bant?"

"I was with her when it happened." She looked scared to say anything. "Once I noticed- it came so fast."

"What came so fast?" Qui-Gon felt the blood drain from his face.

"She-just-well-she was getting cramps," Bant said awkwardly, shrinking into the wall. "That's all I know."

Mace crossed his arms. "She appears to be hiding something."

"What would she have to hide?"

Mace didn't reply, just studied a datapad. His silence was unsettling. In one miserable moment he realized that they all knew what was going on-and what was going to happen soon.

"Have you talked to her?" Qui-Gon pressed.

"Not yet. They're still with her."

"Can I see her?"

"They're still with her, I said." Mace studied Qui-Gon suspiciously, and then said, "I must contact Master Yoda."

Yoda showed up soon, trailed by a worried Jocasta Nu. Mace took Yoda aside in private. Jocasta turned to Qui-Gon.

"I was with Yoda. I was concerned. I'm of no help here- I just want to know- she has seemed ill the past few months. What could it be?" She asked breathlessly.

"I think it's best that we give Tahl her privacy," he said as gently as he could. He was surprised to find respect and caring for Tahl in Nu's voice. Tahl didn't talk about her much.

Nu sighed. "We spoke just this morning. Nothing seemed wrong, but maybe…" she trailed off and shook her head. "I must get back."

"Thank you," Qui-Gon called, sitting down just as Mace and Yoda reappeared.

"May we talk, Qui-Gon?" Mace asked.

"Yes," he said flatly. Panic shot through him. Tahl-the baby-what would happen to them?

"You've spent more time than anyone else around Tahl since she's gotten back, no doubt of that."

"I'm her friend. Of course."

"You must have known she was pregnant."

He couldn't say anything.

"Qui-Gon."

He couldn't.

Yoda looked at him. That look said everything. Yoda knew what fools they had been, caught up in feelings and believing that, for once, nothing would go drastically wrong.

"I don't answer to you," Qui-Gon said.

"What?" Mace asked, incredulous. "This is a severe issue, and you dare treat members of the Jedi Council-"

"Yes. I do. And once all the other members come together I can tell that to you as a group, if you wish. Satisfied? _I do not answer to you._" He didn't think he'd ever been so rude before.

He didn't even bother to listen to Mace's next words. _I'm so sorry, Tahl._

_ooooo_

"We've gotten you stabilize. How do you feel?"

"Fine. How's the baby?"

"He'll be safe."

Tahl was nervous with the five medics clustered around her. Embarrassment swept over her.

When she came, she told them she was having some problems. The word baby slipped out-or they figured it out on their own; she couldn't remember. Having little experience in that field, they called upon each other and medroids. They got the job done without acting shocked, horrified, or disappointed. It wasn't their place.

"There are some people who would like to see you immediately."

Her grip on the sheets tightened. She nodded.

The medics left. Qui-Gon came in, followed by Yoda and Mace Windu.

"What happened?" Qui-Gon leaned over, hoping to be out of earshot of Mace and Yoda.

"Stress. And some problems with my placenta," Tahl explained tartly. "It's better, though."

"All better?" Mace frowned.

Tahl winced. She couldn't cave now. She had to show strength. But she would have nowhere to go. She'd have someone to take care of. It was over. And she couldn't let Qui-Gon lose his status. He had to stay in the Order.

"Yes," she said steadily, wrapping her arms around herself.

"And you realize the consequences?"

"I take full responsibility." She felt Qui-Gon's alarm, but ignored it. Please, _please _let him not say anything.

"Is the father a Jedi?" Mace asked.

Tahl closed her eyes. _Yoda will know you are lying, _Qui-Gon was telling her.

"Who is he?"

Mace looked at Yoda. Yoda stared back. "Doesn't matter," Mace said uncertainly, as if he didn't believe her. T

"Discuss this, we will, another day." He looked at Qui-Gon. "Let her rest we must." The men filed out.

In the waiting room Bant still waited, though it was clear she wouldn't get to see Tahl. Regardless of the fact she was watching, Mace whirled on Qui-Gon. "I think you'll have something to add to this. Until then, keep your place. And be careful."

_He doesn't like you, _Qui-Gon told himself after the warning. This put Tahl in more trouble.

_ooooo_

Bant was mortified to hear Qui-Gon being spoken to by Mace Windu like that. All the events of the day had left her shaken. She stayed in her chair long after everyone else had left. Soon, a shadow fell over the doorway: Obi-Wan.

"Qui-Gon won't pick up his com," he said.

"He's troubled," Bant said.

"So are you." Obi-Wan sat down next to her, waiting for her to speak.

"You remember... all that talking we did? Convincing ourselves there was nothing between them?"

"Yes."

"We were wrong."

"_No," _Obi-Wan breathed. "Stars."

Bant ducked her head. "And Mace just practically yelled at him. I-I don't know what else he said." She looked up at Obi-Wan, expecting to see pain. Instead he looked calm and composed.

"Then I've lost him," he said calmly. "It's over." He started for the door. Bant was too thunderstruck to stop him.

He kept going down the hallway toward their meditation room, unsure if Bant would bother to follow, and hoping she wouldn't…

"There you are!"

Good, she was still there.

"…And you look fine," she remarked.

"You were that worried, Siri?" Obi-Wan teased.

"I've heard the rumors." Siri sat down beside him. "It's awful."

"It's not that bad," Obi-Wan shrugged. "They made the choice freely."

Siri sighed. "Tahl's good as gone. She'll be out there, in the galaxy, with a kid to raise. Force…"

"Stop it." He tried to gently brush her off. A tension hung in the air.

"There's something you're not telling me," Siri said. "That's fine. If you want to tell me, though, you know I won't tell anyone."

"My Master is the father."

Siri put her face in her hands. "I knew it. Sorry, Kenobi, but it was easy enough to figure out." At the look on Obi-Wan's face she guiltily stared at her hands. "It must be hard."

"I've come to terms with it. I knew, ever since New Apsolon. I saw it coming there. I should have seen it sooner, though."

"You couldn't have done anything."

"I hate thinking about this. But if I had found a way to make Qui-Gon realize how important he is to me, and how much would be at stake, it may not have happened."

"How would you have done that?"

"Well… well, he should have stayed when I was injured."

"Oh. Sorry to make you think about it," Siri said, not willing to press him further.

"Yoda would make me think about it anyway," Obi-Wan said.

"I just hope you don't dwell on it," Siri sighed.

Obi-Wan leaned on her shoulder, seeking comfort. It felt right, the way she leaned back.

_ooooo_

**Now you begin to wonder what's with Siri and Obi and what went down on New Apsolon according to this fic. Well, seeing as I try to update at least once a month, here's hoping I won't vanish off fanfiction any time soon…**


	7. Chapter 7

**My apologies for not updating… I know an apology won't make a difference really, because all the months I've spent not updating are in the past, but if I'm going to write an A/N I feel like it's important. Just warning you about future updates that school starts soon and this fall I'm really busy, so another update will probably come around Christmas. I'm sorry!**

_ooooo_

Stiffness in his neck brought him to his senses. Obi-Wan woke up to find himself lying face up on the floor in Siri's quarters. And Siri was awake on her sleepcouch.

"You were talking and you fell asleep, so I just left you there," Siri explained. "Sorry the floor isn't all that comfortable. No hard feelings I hope." A ghost of a smile appeared on her face. "It's not like I wanted me and you to be the center of the Temple's next scandal."

"You're mean," said Obi-Wan, rubbing his shoulder and stretching out to kick her sleepcouch. "You're mean, but for some reason I feel like I need you to be."

Siri rolled her eyes. "Don't beat yourself up yet. I just got a call from Bant. Or rather, you did, but I took your com-"

"-What is it?"

"Tahl's in the medcenter. Giving birth for real, this time."

Obi-Wan got up. "Qui-Gon will be there. I should go."

"Hold it, Kenobi. I think it might be best if you left them be for now," Siri suggested.

Obi-Wan scowled. He hated it when she tried to act like his superior. "Who put you in charge?"

"I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble," Siri frowned back. "Think about it, if they're about to be torn to pieces by the Council, you want to steer clear of all that."

"You follow too many rules." Obi-Wan's scowl deepened.

"Your master will contact you when he's ready," said Siri, growing softer. She slung her arm around him. "Hungry?"

A knot was forming in Obi-Wan's stomach.

"You're a good Padawan. Relax," said Siri as she led him out the door.

Obi-Wan let her take him to the morning meal. He ate, but he wasn't hungry. It was best if he got into a routine, though, he figured. A routine he was sure to be locked into until he could get his master back.

_ooooo_

Tahl had never felt so relieved in her life. Or as nervous, but with that aside it was ultimately the best day of her life. The best day of Qui-Gon's life, too, she was sure.

A son, named Travis. In her arms. A healthy boy and a healthy mother too, she noted with pride. She didn't even need the healers to tell her what to do anymore, after over a year of being led around by them.

For today, forget the Codes and Councils with every meditation and drill they've pushed on you. This is life now. Everything feels alright.

He gently put his hand on her shoulder. Tahl studied him. He was eye level to her in a chair while she was in the recovery bed. She felt a stab of worry when she realized how easy lately her communication with the Force could be disrupted. She couldn't tell what he was feeling.

It pained her. She wanted to know his feelings; she wanted him to share her thoughts, like they used to be able to do so easily, even back when it was inconvenient or intrusive. He didn't even voice his thoughts aloud to her anymore. Not with the eyes and ears of everyone in the Temple watching them.

There was a knock at the door. Qui-Gon opened it from the control panel by the sleepcouch.

Jocasta Nu paused in the doorway, taking in the sight of the three of them. "Tahl."

"Master Nu. It's nice to see you," Tahl said with as blank as expression as she could muster. "Meet Travis."

Tahl was grateful to her colleague; she didn't react with judgment. "You must be so happy he's here." It was a true Jedi reply; maintaining serenity, celebrating life.

"We are." Tahl knew she could trust her. Qui-Gon trusted her, too-they had been friends for years. Working under Nu made her realize how valuable a friend like her was, with wisdom that stretched far beyond the boundaries of the Archives.

"I just came to stay briefly. I should be going." With a polite nod towards Qui-Gon, she gently pressed some folded datasheets into his hand. His fingers closed around them, surprised and interested, as a quick glance between the women confirmed what it was. "May the Force be with you."

As the door closed behind her Qui-Gon began unfolding the datasheets and scanning the texts. Tahl explained, "Information on Noori, my homeworld. I think I left them on my desk in the Archives… before Travis came."

"And your plans to have him there," Qui-Gon said slowly, carefully folding them back up. "Why would Madame Nu bring them now?"

Tahl looked over at him, at his profile as he stared at the door. While he was brooding, and unaware of his surroundings, she could tell that his thoughts were really elsewhere. They were on his Padawan and the Council and all the other things that faced them outside of their tiny medcenter room. She turned back to Travis so he couldn't read her expression, but the baby was growing heavy in her arms. "Because. Still…" she gave up, thinking of Bant, and Qui-Gon and his compassion for the galaxy, and how she couldn't let him leave…

"I'm tired," she whispered.

"I'll let you be." Qui-Gon stood and put Travis in the crib by her sleepcouch.

Tahl slowly lulled herself to sleep.

_ooooo_

It was already late in the afternoon. Qui-Gon was heading to the cafeteria for a meal. Hopefully later he would have time for meditation. He found himself needing meditation more and more to keep his thoughts and emotions in check.

"Qui-Gon Jinn." A voice behind him made him whirl around to attention, a reflex from all those years ago…

Master Dooku stood before him, an aging and intimidating Jedi who he had been apprenticed to.

"Dooku," said Qui-Gon, hesitating at Dooku's tone of voice.

"I have, of course, heard all about your latest clash with the Jedi. When on your path did you develop such a lust for rebellion?" Dooku's eyes glittered with something Qui-Gon wasn't sure about, was sure he was just imagining- because those eyes seemed ashamed of him. He quickly let go of his irritation at the insult. "I am a student of the Force."

"I knew you were always one for compassion, with a particular weakness for the living Force. But never, never would I expect this."

"I stand by my decisions."

"And I thought that you disobeyed the Council and hunted down Tahl on a foolish boyish whim, one they would let pass. Now you're lost to the will of the Council, and I've lost the trust of a hundred Masters who saw you trained under me. You will be expelled."

"I won't be expelled, therefore whatever arrogance you hope to maintain will remain untarnished." Qui-Gon turned and walked away without another word, trying to unclench his fists, smarting at the words of a man he barely knew.

He spent an hour brooding over his food then made his way back towards the medcenter. He hadn't seen Obi-Wan all day. But was he ready to seek him out? He needed to be with Tahl first.

Tahl was awake when he came and was feeding Travis. He said, "I came across Dooku."

"And?" Tahl prompted. But his silence gave away everything.

"We can't stay here," he finally said.

"Can we?"

"Tahl, why did Jocasta Nu bring you your files on Noori?"

"It was a thought. If Travis and I had to go… it'd be a place to start."

"What about me? If you go I go too, you know the Council will have it that way."

"You have reason to stay. You still have something here. If you plead your case to the masters, state your options-"

"We're _married. _And one of the reasons for that was so that they couldn't separate us!" Qui-Gon exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

Tahl looked at him with a bit of irritation, like the Tahl he had known for so long would. "Nothing, Qui."

"Well, say _something_," he smiled as a smirk played across her lips.

"Just watch yourself. You haven't been your usual pleasant self lately."

"Can anyone blame me?"

"Watch them. They will."

"So we'll go before they let us go. We'll make a life for ourselves, for our family." His hand brushed her cheek, tracing her smile.

"No regrets that way." Tahl looked at their child, quietly resting in her arms.

And so, three days later, Qui-Gon led them out of the Temple. At midnight Coruscant glowed like it did every night he had left the Temple at this hour. Those times he was alone and on his way to see Tahl. Now she was at his side, a few necessities in a bag. He pulled his robe closer around him, wrapping Travis in its warmth to guard against the cool night air.

They boarded a freighter and rose into the sky, to a different world, leaving behind their claim as Jedi.

_ooooo_

**Maybe it's because I haven't written something in ages. I don't know. But for some reason I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter, and I've spent two weeks worrying about it and I still can't figure out what I think is wrong with it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Short chapter up… sorry it's short, but I'm writing another chapter (though it will be a few days before it's posted because I'll probably lose power).**

_I wanted to be on Noori._

Qui-Gon woke from a restless sleep. Tahl's voice from a dream lingered in his thoughts. They had arrived on Noori late at night and had found a room at a traveler's inn at the spaceport. Now it was morning. Travis was asleep after waking up several times in the night in the portable crib next to the sleepcouch. Tahl was still asleep on his left side. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. She opened her eyes and raised an eyebrow, smiling at the tender moment, while he grew self conscious and retreated as she stared him down. It amused him... the effect she could have on him. With the moment passed, she was now smiling at a private joke. "I remember a conversation we had once," she explained before he had a chance to ask. "I said that you were reserved, and traveled, the galaxy, and didn't have a family, and how you were such a mysterious character. You smiled and said you preferred it that way. You were so stubborn."

"Only you could change me," He smiled, letting her finger trace its outline. "And you gave me a family, and with that, well… I'm not so secretive, am I?" It was true. He had no secrets. Tahl had been his last one.

"Not so mysterious now. Just Qui-Gon Jinn," Tahl agreed. She was testing him, in that way she always did, always helping him stay sure footed.

"Just Qui-Gon Jinn. And just Tahl." _No Jedi. _He sat up. "I'm excited, to be honest." He looked over at Travis, who was wide awake, but kept quiet, like he wanted to listen in on something important.

"Excited to meet the rest of our family? My parents are expecting us today." Tahl sighed and swung her legs over the sleepcouch. It was then that Travis let out a cry. "Why didn't you tell me he was awake?" She got up and navigated her way around the sleepcouch to the crib.

"I forgot," Qui-Gon admitted.

"Forgot that your only son was two feet away from you and hungry?" Tahl snorted.

"No, forgot you couldn't see him," Qui-Gon said bluntly. "You're amazingly perceptive. You look people in the eye when you talk, search their faces. When you hold Travis you look right to him. You can walk anywhere without help."

"If you can forget that I'm blind, then I suppose my quest to be self sufficient is complete," Tahl said good naturedly.

"I wouldn't be too sure," Qui-Gon teased, remembering the days when he tried to help her. His caring infuriated her and motivated her to learn how to do things on her own. He asked quietly, "does your family know?"

"Of course. They don't know the story behind the accident. But I barely know what they've been up to all these years. My parents have been retired a long time. But there's something about a family fishing business." She brought Travis with her as she sat on the sleepcouch and began feeding him. "Must sound funny. Here I am bragging about being self sufficient and I'm about to go back and live with my parents."

"We can be on our own in two weeks. Starting tomorrow I'll look for a job," said Qui-Gon earnestly.

"I believe you." Tahl frowned. "It will be a while before I can leave Travis with someone, but I'd like to find a job too. Maybe one where I can work from home."

"You have time."

"Or," she exclaimed, "You could work from home while _I _get the big job in two weeks."

Qui-Gon considered that. "I honestly don't know if I'd be able to handle Travis on my own."

"And I don't know if I could manage a full time job like this," Tahl shrugged.

"I would probably need a wet nurse since you haven't been able to get Travis to drink from a bottle," Qui-Gon threatened jokingly.

Tahl's eyes widened. "Give him time! And don't you dare!"

He laughed and she smacked him on the arm. "Get up and get ready, you good for nothing sleemo."

_ooooo_

Obi-Wan woke up feeling empty. Like something was missing.

He checked every corner of the Temple. The gardens, cafeterias, gyms, classrooms, meditation rooms, and meeting rooms. Finally he checked Qui-Gon quarters. They were clean, as usual, except for a lightsaber lying on the table.

That's when he knew. For all his dreaming and delusions, trying to convince himself he wasn't gone… he was gone. He had known it from the start. The Force was out of place; where he should have been there was nothing.

He sunk to the floor. He stuffed the front of his tunic in his mouth to keep from screaming. He had been betrayed. Qui-Gon had betrayed all of them. It was like he couldn't care less what happened to his Padawan. He left him for a wife and a baby and possessions, and most of all he had left to be free from the Council, the rules that tied him down, that had become suffocating.

And now Obi-Wan was suffocating.

"There you are." Bant's quiet voice was behind him. He didn't know how long he had been in Qui-Gon's quarters or how long it had taken to find him. "I'm sorry. Obi-Wan." She knelt down next to him. He imagined how he must look. He pulled his tunic out of his mouth and sat back on his heels. He took long, deep breaths.

"So Tahl's gone too?" He asked shakily. What a stupid question. Bant must know how stupid it sounded. How it must mock her.

To his surprise she calmly replied, "Yes, and Travis. Records show they left last night."

"I'm sorry." Obi-Wan stared at his hands. Here he was only concerned for himself while his best friend was in the same situation he was. "You had to come and find me. I was only thinking of myself."

"I'm not upset anymore. Tahl hasn't been my master for a long time. Things have been falling apart for a while now," Bant explained. "Are you alright?"

"…Yes." Obi-Wan wouldn't let himself do this. He wouldn't become a slave of the past like Qui-Gon had when his former Padawan, Xanatos, betrayed him. Thinking like that brought back thoughts of when he had left Qui-Gon, in order to fight with the youth on Melinda-Daan. That time he was the traitor, but Qui-Gon had accepted him again because he had believed in what they had had in the past. Well, Obi-Wan wouldn't succumb to that. He'd leave everything behind where it belonged so he couldn't make the same mistakes Qui-Gon made. He took her hand. "We need to talk to Yoda. We need to find new masters." He jumped to his feet and turned to the door.

"Obi-Wan." Bant stopped him. "I already have a master… Master Kit Fisto, when he learned what happened, asked the Council and then asked me.

"Oh," Obi-Wan said dumbly. "Congratulations." He should have known it would happen. Bant had been training with Master Fisto often.

"I'll come with you to Yoda though." She squeezed his hand when he started to object. "I need his guidance too."

Whatever guidance she needed, she didn't ask for it, and Obi-Wan was sure she didn't get it, because he did all the talking.

"A Master, you will need," Yoda agreed. He, like Bant, had not been surprised when Qui-Gon and Tahl left. But he was deeply disappointed. "Ready Obi-Wan you are not."

"What?" He burst out. Then he felt chastised, although Yoda didn't acknowledge his rudeness. "I need a mission."

"Perhaps."

"I've been at the Temple for too long already," he continued.

Yoda sighed. "Need time, you do, to let go. To accept and forgive Qui-Gon."

To forgive him. To let him go. It was the Jedi way, but could he bring himself to do it?

"Then I will need a master to guide me through that," he challenged.

"No. This you must do for yourself."

This is a test, Obi-Wan thought. Fine, he'd find a way to pass it. "Yes, Master."

"Good. Then ready you will be." Yoda dismissed them.

As they exited the quarters Mace Windu appeared from around the corner. He acknowledged the two of them. "We will have masters for you both. You will be able to complete your Jedi training."

"Thank you." Bant bowed slightly.

Obi-Wan wondered what Mace thought about Qui-Gon and Tahl now. Qui-Gon had clashed with Mace the most. He felt Bant prodding him and quickly followed her example. "Thank you." He felt the eyes of Jedi follow him back to his quarters. It was a solemn day for the Temple. Two Jedi lost.

He spent the day meditating, letting go of his emotions. He made peace with his memories of Qui-Gon and let them be his companion. He began to feel respect for what Qui-Gon had taught him for many years. But his dreams were not as kind to him. They were full of betrayals- Xanatos on Bandomeer and Telos, himself on Melinda Daan, Qui-Gon on New Apsolon.

And when he woke, the dreams hovered over him.


End file.
